Standstill. Still Standing.

Standstill. Still Standing.

Standstill.

Still standing.

There is so much to sit here and be grateful for.

As the nights grow shorter and the days stretch longer, I find myself yearning for my husband’s company. That is the hardest part of this life of ours—him having to work so hard, carrying so much. I wish I could do something so he could work less, be home more, and take better care of himself. It weighs on my heart more than I admit.

Taking this time to reflect on the past year, I realize just how many beautiful moments we’ve had. My favorite was the Woolly Worm Festival—I love those hairy little guys and I already can’t wait for next year. I’m learning so much about life, love, and business, even when the lessons arrive quietly or painfully.

I lost a friend this year. We had been growing apart for a while, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I’m sad about it. And still, I’m grateful for the time we shared. I’ve learned to set boundaries in that space—something I didn’t always know how to do—and wow, it feels freeing in a way I didn’t expect.

Opening Partea Place still feels unreal. Like… did I really do that?

No—really. Did I?

I’m scared to be too proud, and I don’t fully understand why. Maybe that’s something to bring into therapy. Maybe it’s tied to an old story I’ve told myself—that I fail, that I’m a good starter and a bad finisher. But that isn’t who I am anymore. That was me. And I’m leaving that version behind.

I want to leave the negative self-talk here in this past year.

I want to stop feeling like I never did enough.

In this next season, I want more joy. More patience. More presence.

It’s hard when I’ve been living in survival mode for so long—but I will seek help. I will move my body. I will grow stronger mentally, physically, and spiritually. I want to lead my family with more gratitude and show up fully in the moments that matter.

2025 was a good year. A fast year.

My baby is one. I still can’t believe it. I’m so grateful I held him so tightly, so often. I turned 40 this year—and what a beautiful surprise party I had. My circle may be small, but it is mighty. I got to see my best friend. My grandmother survived her stroke. I know I need to learn how to cope better with the fear that brings. I will not shut her out the way I did Bubbles.

God, I miss my baby girl.

She’s with me every day, but I wish she were here beside me—not just in my heart and memories. Missing her doesn’t get easier. It doesn’t get better. I haven’t learned how to live without her. There is a hole in my heart that will always exist, and I can’t imagine losing anyone else.

And still…

I’m here.

Standing.

Learning.

Loving.

Even in the standstill.